My Delightful Mental Problems

{June 7, 2013}   Cassie and anal

You know,
we’d both enjoy this
so much more
if you just had some idea
what you were doing…


{May 22, 2013}   Cassie and the pityfuck

It’s a dirty job

but someone has to do it…

{April 12, 2013}   Cassie and the Goodbye Look

She’s packed away her cowboy boots
She’s blonded all her chestnut roots
She’s packed up all her self-help books
Here comes the goodbye look.

She’s opened her own account at the hardware store
She’s reading community property law
Been a while since you saw that boy next door
Here comes the goodbye look.

The locks are changed, the keys are gone
She’s on the phone from dusk ‘til dawn
Your shit’s all piled up on the lawn
Here comes the goodbye look.

{March 7, 2013}   Cassie and cramp

ow! ow!! ow!!!
Three thrity and I am writhing in bed
and not in the good way
but the bad way, instead.

A white hot pain
slicing my lower leg clean in half
the crushing of a cramp
in my right calf.

Why must this happen
I feel so betrayed and bitter
I thought hitting the gym
was supposed to make you fitter!

{February 8, 2013}   Cassie and L.A.

What the hell is wrong
with Los Angeles today!
Have we decided to become
New York in the 80’s?
There’s potholes in the roads,
our schools are fucking warzones,
the garbage don’t get picked up
and that dead gangbanger on the sidewalk
is getting kind of ripe…

Fuck it. This could make a girl
seriously consider the Inland Empire.

Or, God forbid,
Orange County.

Waiting in line
in a coffee shop
woman in front
taking her time
goddamn hipster
standing behind me
Macbook in arm
hopping up and down
grunting and gasping
shouts out to the woman
“we don’t have all day
some of us have
important work to do
(yeah. like writing your fucking screenplay)

So I turn to him
and say cool your jets
you fucking psycho
you got nothing doing
he looks at me
like I don’t know shit
says I’m not a psychopath
I’m a high functioning sociopath
(thinks that’s funny or memetic or something)

I said you’re not
high functioning anything
you’re just
a dumbass hipster cunt.

{November 11, 2012}   Cassie and James Bond

It isn’t all fast cars
sexy sex, chilled martinis
and exotic locals
is it?

There’s the steely eyed killing
you’ve got to admit
that counts for a lot.

{October 13, 2012}   Cassie and the political process

Sigh. Another year where the lesser of two evils is the most reliable reason to inform your choice.

Groan. We don’t even have the feel good factor of absolving ourselves of the perception of racism.

Piss. If Obama would just come out of the closet, he could get that FGF back “hey lets show we’re not homophobic”

Shit. Of course, voting for Romney shows we don’t discriminate against the hallucinatory and mentally dernaged, either.

Fuck. The choice is between a proven failure with no actual plan and delusional, crazy nitwit with an idelogy.

Christ. How did the greatest nation on Earth end up in such a hopeless position? Hope? Change? Fuck that shit.

I don’t feel safe in L.A. anymore.
It’s not the dread of random crazies
raping and murdering me, I’m used to that.
It’s not the stray bullets from gangbangers
if one’s got my name on it, so be it.
what really raises the hairs on the back
of my neck is the very real chance I might

offend someone.

O! got that I might butthurt
some precious little thing
by not recognizing their gayness,
respecting their prophet
worshipping their womb or
congratualting them on their life choice
to mutlilate their body
failing to celebrate their blackness
or abusing my thin priviliage
or not seeing them as an artists
(when all I see is some wispy bearded
prick in skinny genes playing on a macbook
in some chain-brand coffee shop.)

Sorry to intrude on your “creative space”
mr I don’t have a dick!

O! glob! what if I have offended someone
with this poem?

{August 28, 2012}   Cassie and Dan totally lezz out

So Dan and I
are sitting on the sofa
of my apartment in
Eagle Rock and
we been talking about boys
and drinkign some 40’s
and Dan says to me –
you wanna make out?”

and I go
fuck yeah!

So she’s touching me
on the arms and on
my neck
and I’m getting, like
super hot and I’m drawing little circles
on the back of her hand’with my pinky finger
and I think to myself
“I’m totally gonna kiss her”

and I do.

And she says
“take off your top”
and I say
“I will if you will”
and she does
and she isn’t wearing a bra

and she tells me to take my bra off

and I do.

et cetera
Katherine Shirley

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